People spend their whole lives trying to live up to people’s expectations and are being told what to do. I say, screw that. Be free. Do what you want to do, go where you want to go, and reach for the sky because life has no limits or boundaries. Boundaries are just another person’s fears, and limits are just another people’s expectations. You only get one chance to do all the things that life offers you. Have no enemies, no regrets, no fears and then you’ll really have lived life.
That’s the burning question that I’ve been asking myself for a while now. What is it that makes me stay and put up with all of this bullshit? I stay because I love him? True, but also, is it because I’m blind? No that can’t be right, otherwise I wouldn’t be thinking this.
Long ago, I told myself that I wouldn’t be like other girls. I would be different. I wouldn’t change myself or do anything that I didn’t want to, and if he didn’t like it then he can just leave. Well, that value was put up to the test when I landed myself in a serious relationship. At first it was nice to have him be so caring and thoughtful towards me and in a way helping me become a better person. But when I think of it now, the attitude that domineers that action can almost be seen as possessiveness and with a slight hint of condescension. It always feels like, no matter what I do or what I try to do, it goes unnoticed or in most cases, are always wrong. Why is that? I’ve been doing this and acting this way for years. Does he not like me for who I am? Then why is he with me in the first place?
It’s always feels like this. The bliss and euphoria when I am around him. I feel like nothing is wrong and that there is no negativity in our world. But when he leaves, that world falls apart. When he leave, it’s like nothing goes right. I don’t feel right. The feeling that contradicts happiness, trust and loyalty.
Why do I feel this way? Why can’t I just leave it all so I don’t have to deal with all this? I care too much for him and yet, I have a love that is not reciprocated. How does that make us equals when the scales are tipped?
Should I just leave?